To the assistant in Ford’s office who is reading this, I really hope you will show this letter to the intended recipient. Ideally, you’ll also assess your own position within this administration but I’ll take what I can get. 



I’m going to write this letter directly to Doug despite my doubts that he will read it, let alone consider what's being brought forward.



Hi Doug. 



I’m writing regarding a lot of things but my decision to reach out to you (again) is brought on by your recent statement on Donald Trump. Well, semi-recent. To be perfectly honest, I sat on this for a while because you seem like the kind of person to retaliate and I am but a humble student trying to survive in the province you’ve ruined. Anyway, here’s what you said: 



“How can one person, one man, create so much turmoil around the world. It’s pretty staggering, so I can’t wait for the midterms.”



While I’m glad you finally appear to be pivoting in your support for this man after previously expressing delight that he won the most recent election, I can’t help but feel taken aback by the hypocrisy of your new position. It seems very strange that you have the ability to recognize Trump’s authoritarian abuses and corruption while pulling from the very same playbook yourself. 



Now, I could waste my time and yours with a detailed summary, but given your history of dropping out of university (and directly into a six figure job at daddy's business), I’m doubtful of your commitment to academic reading. Given, too, that you feel comfortable yelling “Get a job” at workers you’ve just screwed over with your policies (again, neglecting the obvious nepotism that landed you where you are), I’m also doubtful that self-awareness and depth of consideration are in your repertoire. Instead, I will summarize the problems with your governance in point form (you’re welcome): 


Removing environmental protections as a handout to developers and speculators.

Really the entire Greenbelt scandal in general—you know, the one your administration (ALLEGEDLY) manipulated documents around to (ALLEGEDLY) interfere with the investigation?

Under-resourcing long-term care homes so intensely that the freakin’ military was called in.

Closing the Science Centre to justify public tax dollars being spent on a for-profit spa centre owned by a foreign company (there were literally private offers made to pay for the roof, but then you wouldn’t have a convenient pocket for one billion tax payer dollars to go into. Womp womp.)

Lowering OPP selection qualifications to help your buddy Ron get a superintendent job.

Violating the Canada Health Act by dumping tax payer dollars into private healthcare. I guess the siren’s call of two-tier healthcare profits is just too sweet.

Bill 60: Limits tenant’s voices in eviction hearings, sets stricter time limits for paying arrears, allows landlords to evict tenants for own-use without the compensation they were previously entitled to.

Bill 5: Completely disregards treaties and Indigenous rights, removes protections from endangered species, grants your government authoritarian control over land and livelihood (also what in the actual propagandistic buffoonery is that name? “Protect Ontario by Unleashing our Economy Act”? Dude. That’s like me naming my masters thesis “I AM THE SMARTEST BOY: Just trust me, don’t read this work”.)

Rent is up 20%.

Housing starts are down 44%.

You’ve cost us nearly 200,000 jobs. Gone. Poof. Just like a lot of taxpayer money.

You landed us the highest unemployment rate in Canada (I guess we’re number one on something!)

WE LIKE BIKE LANES, DOUGLAS. A LOT OF PEOPLE NEED THEM BECAUSE THE CAN'T AFFORD CARS.

You are currently attacking OSAP (apparently educated professionals are a thing we need less of while in a crisis of everything???)

You are attempting to exempt your administration from Freedom of Information (at this point, you might as well spend millions of public dollars on a giant, flashing neon float that says "CORRUPTION PARTY" so you can ferry yourself around in style.)

You weirdly called an early election at a weird time that weirdly fell before the results of the Greenbelt Investigation being made public--like... that's weird, right? I'm not making a specific claim, it's just weird. :)

You are an obvious corporate shill while pretending to be "folksy". Your family are corporate millionaires, your friends are corporate millionaires (and billionaires), your policies openly privilege the wealthy--like why are we all just going along with your cosplay of being working class? What is happening? Again, Trump playbook.

This isn’t referencing anything specific, more your fixation on car infrastructure like multi-billion dollar tunnels no one wants: Are you actually just a car disguised as a guy? If so, you should pick a better alias and stop being so frothy for vehicles--assuming you'd like to go undetected, that is.

There are more but that's it for points because, quite frankly, there's too much to list here and my time is limited. Unlike you, I don't spend huge parts of my year on vacation, I actually have to work to pay the bills that go up every time you do anything (come to think of it, maybe you should just STAY on vacation, it would be better for everyone.)

Doug, you have eviscerated this province. The only thing more mind-blowing than your government’s corruption is how few Ontarians have caught on to it. I need you to understand that your actions are not simply siphoning resources toward yourself but away from others, leaving them to suffer and yes, even die. Preventable deaths that have resulted from our abysmal healthcare system that you continue to underfund so that you can push for more costly and vastly less accessible private healthcare.

You are driven by greed and your own ignorance, failing upwards only to bring down your absolute incompetence on millions of people who are stuck with you for a plurality (see what I did there?) of reasons beyond their control. 

Put in terms you’ll understand: You are a liar, you are cruel, your administration is blatantly corrupt, and I’m getting out of this province before you run it into the ground. I only wish more people had that option; maybe then you’d understand that the economy is, in fact, people-powered and not some magical machine that turns bad decisions into money. 



You’ve (ALLEGEDLY; investigations, plural, underway) stolen tax dollars to dump on your friends and family members; you’re pulverizing the land we rely on to literally be alive because a juicier GDP is apparently worth violating treaties and poisoning people; you actively play off the political ignorance of your base; you have circumvented the democratic process wherever possible (it’s pronounced “ee-lekt-shun”, I dunno how you heard “appointment” in there); and you’ve topped it all off by expanding our deficit, failing in the one thing people (for whatever historically ignorant reason) believe conservative administrations are good for.



I’m not a prophet but I’m fairly confident that you will go down in history as the worst premier Ontario has ever had. Your legacy will be another shitty highway and hundreds of people who died waiting for healthcare. The only good thing I can hope for is that maybe more people will wake up to how useless conservative leaders really are. Although, given your track record, I’m sure you’ll find a way to resurrect the corpse of Justin Trudeau’s political career to blame his federal government for your ocean of provincial failures.

If you actually care, even a little bit, about this province and the millions of people in it, you will stop stealing money from the things we need—healthcare, education, social programs—and start funding them properly. Alternatively, you could resign from office, but I don’t know how reliable the neppy baby job market is these days, so I’m trying to help you keep your job here (that’s called “compassion”, you should look it up and give it a try.) 



I’ve decided to post this as an open letter because you haven’t gotten back to the other far more polite letters I’ve written, nor have you changed your tune per their recommendations. I’m hoping that this approach might encourage you to spend some of that mining money excavating your head from your ass.

Anyway, I imagine you’re going on vacation again soon. I’d say I hope you enjoy it but, unlike you, I’m not a good liar. 



Sincerely, 



A Very Tired Millennial



P.S., Baskets have brought more utility into my life than your leadership. You should take a basket weaving course instead of throwing shade at them, maybe then you’d create something that actually helps people.